Yeah, Transylmania. Brought to you by the creators of such cinematic classics as Dorm Daze, Dorm Daze 2 and  Anaconda 2: King Cobra comes the next generation, no the next stage of evolution in the DNA of stoner comedy.  In fact, there is even a stoner trailer for it, a masterpiece unto itself. Enjoy it here.

Sarcasm aside, this movie is funny and since I haven’t seen it, I can say that with a straight face.  We only report the facts… or something we read in the internet.  Everything on the internet is true.

I know the masochist in you wants to know what this thing is about and so you should.  It has vampires, college students, coeds and hijinks.  Do you need more than that?  Yes?  Ok, foreign exchange students from the US (and not the kind of students who actually study abroad, how boring) head to Razvan University only to find it isn’t anything like they expected.  Vampires! OMG! Vampires!

Damn straight and guess who gets to tackle the blood suckers?  You know it!  Students!  Fuck the army, we’ve got coeds.

Sadly we had a pile of preview passes to hand out which means I would have seen it, but due to some really shitty circumstances, Castle DTC still has a pile of preview passes and no way to distribute them.  Next time!

While you’re waiting for us to get our act together, make a note.  The movie opens December 4th and promises to be full of butt jokes, pot jokes, hot chicks, bad acting and all the other stuff that makes these movies funny and if you don’t think this stuff is funny, you’re a liar.  I’ve seen your Monty Python collection.  You’re never going to grow up.

We love giving away free stuff.  It makes us feel warm and fuzzy, like a lizard with a poodle cut.  Today we have 10 tickets to  a preview screening of The Collector on July 30 (next Thursday).

We’ll be giving them out in pairs today via our Twitter feed so follow us at http://twitter.com/darktwincities

Do the math!  You could be one of five lucky wieners winners!

The movie is in theaters July 31, but you can beat the sheep and do it with our blessing.  Plus we get to feel like we did something good for once.  Like helping an old lady cross the street, but without the cheek pinching and the lingering scent of Ben-Gay.

All the other important stuff is here:

WHERE: Mann Theaters, St. Louis Park

WHEN: Thursday, July 30th at 7:30pm

And if you aren’t sure you want to see the movie, here is the tasty promo text.  If this doesn’t sell you, nothing will… er, just remember we didn’t write it.

For handyman and ex-con Arkin, a quiet home and a family on vacation is an “opportunity”.  For inside his new employer’s country home lies a safe, and inside the safe is a gem – his only hope for repaying a debt to his ex-wife and keeping what’s left of his family intact.

Unfortunately for Arkin, inside the house is also a box containing the latest addition to a collection catalogued in blood, bone and tears. As the seconds tick down to midnight, Arkin becomes a reluctant hero trapped by a masked “Collector” in a maze of lethal invention – the Spanish Inquisition as imagined by Rube Goldberg – while trying to rescue the very family he came to rob.

From Marcus Dunstan and Patrick Melton, the twisted minds behind Saw IV, V and the upcoming Saw VI, THE COLLECTOR emerges as a real-time game of cat-and-mouse, melding primal horror with suspense thriller. The film stars Josh Stewart, Daniella Alonso, Michael Reilly Burke, Andrea Roth, Madeline Zima, Karley Scott-Collins, Robert Wisdom and Juan Fernandez.

This Friday the prequal to the original series hits theaters.  The back story comes to light, lots of kick-ass fights between vampires and warewolves rock the screen and best of all, we finally get some history on the relationship between the two that the first movies talked about, but left us hanging… repeatedly.

Kate Bekinsale plays a minor role in this one as time places it before the first two, but don’t despair guys. Rhona Mitra plays Sonja and you won’t be disappointed.

As if that’s not enough reason to go, how about a freebie?  Print this flyer and show up Thursday to AMC Southdale to see it free before anyone else… or at least before the people who didn’t show up on time.  The event is overbooked, but show up early enough and you’ll get in free.

On more thing!  If you are in Stadium Village tomorrow night, pop in to Sally’s at 712 Washington Ave SE for the Full Moon Party with drink specials from 10pm to closing.

And of course, the movie is in theaters Friday the 23rd.