View unanswered posts | View active topics It is currently Mon Oct 21, 2019 11:27 pm



Reply to topic  [ 45 posts ] 
 Write your own epitaph 
Author Message
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 4916
Location: S St Paul
Post Write your own epitaph
Do you trust your <i>family</i> to get it right? ... didn't think so.
So here's your chance to write your own epitaph. Or you can crazygonuts and sketch an image of your custom headstone.

Here's mine:
Quote:
<i><b>"I'll outlive you all!"</b></i>
. - Robert S. Kemmetmueller .
. . 1968 - 2002 . .

--Rob "and please forgo the customary embalming procedures" Kemmetmueller


Thu Apr 24, 2003 1:10 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 2380
Location: Ehr. well. Im not a local
Post Ah yes. . .. .
The funeral. . . .

I'm gonna have a fun funeral. . . . Incredibly expensive, yes, but by the time I'm dead I should have plenty of money anyway. . . . . .

Right now I'm caught between having my body dropped from a plane onto the group gathered by the grave, or having my body rigged with motors, servos, and a little tape recorder, so that my ever faithful grandson, who I will have groomed just for this purpose since birth, will manipulate my body so halfway through the surface I will appear to set up, point into the audience, and say:

"There!! There is the one that killed me!"

And then have it appear that I lay back down. . . ...

As for my parting slogan:


"I'm watching each and every one of you . . ."
Nemphusiusex

_________________
Mind crunching rage.


Thu Apr 24, 2003 2:47 pm
Profile YIM WWW
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 3128
Location: The center of the universe
Post 
Maybe he will finally shut the hell up

_________________
I may be an asshole, but I'm not a fucking asshole
R!


Thu Apr 24, 2003 2:53 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2003 4:12 pm
Posts: 4274
Location: pyramids of mars
Post 
I would like my epitaph to read:

"Here lies Setanta, Called the Hound of Cullen. His spear was ever sharp, and he reigned terror upon the enemies of the Red Branch."

_________________
Rockula! wrote:
Whooda thought that you could get supress a guy's urge kick someones ass by waving pussy in his face?


Thu Apr 24, 2003 3:26 pm
Profile YIM
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 2488
Post 
I wouldn't want my family to have to pay for embalming, make-up, a suit, casket and burial but I've already got a plot in Nerstrand Minnesota so I suppose they will.
I used to live a couple of miles from there when I was a teenager and I'd ride my little mini-bike down the dirt road and look at where I would be buried someday. Kind creepy.


Thu Apr 24, 2003 3:33 pm
Profile

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 689
Location: nearing the bottom of the bottle
Post 
Funerals are surreal to begin with, so I want to make mine worse and have "Take It Easy" by the Eagles played during the service (my good Lutheran parents would want a service). I've had this planned out since I was 14. I just always thought it would be wicked cool to play cheesy classic rock at my funeral and make people even more uncomfortable.


Fri Apr 25, 2003 10:15 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 4916
Location: S St Paul
Post 
Code:
     ______________
    / _____________\
   | / Here lies Ol'\
   ||  Whatshisname  |
   ||                |
   ||  Gone but not  |
   ||   forgotten    |
   ||                |
   \|................|
    _ . - - - - - - - . _
      _ . - - - - - - - . _


Sat Apr 26, 2003 12:57 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 3128
Location: The center of the universe
Post 
Maybe you could throw everybody a twist and have "Take It Easy" played on the bagpipes.

By the way, The Eagles were
EVERYTHING THAT PERSONIFIED WHAT WAS EVIL WITH 70'S ROCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sad really
Next thing you know you will be telling me you like Loverboy.

_________________
I may be an asshole, but I'm not a fucking asshole
R!


Sat Apr 26, 2003 1:18 am
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2003 1:29 am
Posts: 1026
Location: i live in my own perty lil world
Post 
who is loverboy?

mine should say

so many puddles, too little time.

_________________
first, lets try it my way.
then, we can try it my way.


Sat Apr 26, 2003 1:27 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 1097
Location: Minneapolis
Post 
""oops"


Sat Apr 26, 2003 10:48 am
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Sat Sep 07, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 3269
Post 
Three years ago, I had the opportunity to choose my dying mother's tombstone. Being the "artistic" member of the family, the honour was bestowed upon me.
Fortunately, black granite was on sale at the time. Now my mother knew my attraction to black things and had no problem with it. I believe that she would be amused by my choice for her headstone.
We had her life story (in a nutshell) laser-etched with a nice serif font into it, as she had been a USO dancer and a professional wrestler. You can get laser-etched photos and pretty much anything you want these days, so be creative. Although she was cremated, there is a gravestone.
I haven't thought much about what I want mine to say yet, but I'm sure it will be funny.

Don't forget, the first three letters of Funeral Spell "Fun"!


Sat Apr 26, 2003 5:52 pm
Profile

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 689
Location: nearing the bottom of the bottle
Post 
I can't think of a Loverboy song right now, because I'm drunk and I just watched "Velvet Goldmine", which has the catchiest soundtrack ever. It's gonna be running around in my head for days. Loverboy rules. And that bassist guy...the slow one...or was he the guitarist? Either way, sprechen sie sexxxxy. He must've gotten some chicks.

(warning: I'm privy to very few inside jokes, being the dork that I am, so whenever I have one with someone I milk it til it's irritating...that said, wanna go to the mens' room and make out???

just so we stay on topic, that's what's gonna be on my gravestone)


Sun Apr 27, 2003 1:40 am
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 1814
Location: S. Minneapolis
Post 
I don't want to be buried in the ground, just my ashes dumped somewhere cool, like the ocean. Probably somewhere by the Pudget Sound. I'd rather not take up more space on this earth. Although I find crave yards fun to visit or drive by, I think It's a waste of land to be burried.

_________________
Gangsta goth


Sun Apr 27, 2003 10:00 pm
Profile YIM WWW
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 2380
Location: Ehr. well. Im not a local
Post Heh.
If I get cremated I'm going to make sure my family keeps my ashes.

Preferably on the mantle. . . . that way my grandchildren will be able to freak out their friends. . ..

If I'm really lucky someone in the family will take up smoking and use me as an ashtray. . .

How 'bout this:

"roses are red"
"violets are blue"
"I may make you throw up"
"but you smell like puke"

I might have that engraved on my urn, along with:

"whosoever opens this urn will be haunted by the spirit within it"
"Open Quickly"

_________________
Mind crunching rage.


Mon Apr 28, 2003 2:34 pm
Profile YIM WWW
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 4916
Location: S St Paul
Post 
Redghost wrote:
... . Although I find crave yards fun to visit or drive by, ...


Dunno if that was a typo, or a Freudian slip (!), but damn--
"The Craveyard" would be a great name for a gothic-themed bar&grill or nightclub that serves appetizers.

And make up novel names for everything, like (chicken)"Zombie Fingers". Yummy!

--Rob "shouldn't'a skipped lunch today" Kemmetmueller


P.S. since the topic of Loverboy came up, I might as well mention that they're gonna be in concert with 38 Special and Joan Jett and bunch of other geezer-rock bands, but that merits a thread of its own so visit Event Planning if you want details.


Mon Apr 28, 2003 4:19 pm
Profile

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 689
Location: nearing the bottom of the bottle
Post 
My paramour has informed me that it's the drummer from Loverboy that I'm thinking of, the one that was not all there in the head. Hot stuff, I'm telling you.

Formaldehyde makes me want to retch, and I think embalming is gross. The whole reason behind the practice of burying people is to bring them back to the earth from whence they sprang, so spraying them full of chemicals and putting them into an impenetrable box seems quite counterproductive and, yes, a waste of space.

There's no place I'd like my ashes scattered, so right now I'm thinking a nice little (non-space consuming) plot in the Lakewood Cemetery would be nice, because Tiny Tim is buried there, and what's good enough for Tiny Tim is good enough for me.


Mon Apr 28, 2003 10:54 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 2488
Post 
Little Red Hen wrote:
The whole reason behind the practice of burying people is to bring them back to the earth from whence they sprang


I agree.
Just stuff me into the compost bin in the backyard.


Mon Apr 28, 2003 11:39 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Mon Oct 28, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 4916
Location: S St Paul
Post 
Little Red Hen wrote:
Formaldehyde makes me want to retch, and I think embalming is gross. The whole reason behind the practice of burying people is to bring them back to the earth from whence they sprang, so spraying them full of chemicals and putting them into an impenetrable box seems quite counterproductive and, yes, a waste of space.


Testify!

What strikes me the most is people going to a museum to hear about how mummification in ancient Egypt entailed digging the brains out through a nostril, putting the internal organs in a separate vase, and packing the torso with leftover popcorn -- and they exclaim, "<i>Woo-wee, that there is some crazy-weird superstitious sh*t!</i>".

Then when their grandma dies, they don't bat an eye when her blood gets pumped out and replaced with preservatives, her face gets caked with enough makeup to look like she's sleeping(with Jim Baker), and the whole shebang gets crated up in a worm-proof vault with jewelry she hadn't worn since her prom.

--Rob "when the archeologists dig you up, will they say 'WTF?'" Kemmetmueller


Mon Apr 28, 2003 11:42 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Tue Mar 04, 2003 4:12 pm
Posts: 4274
Location: pyramids of mars
Post 
I want a serious ass Irish King's tomb. i want the stone circle, burning effigies, and to be practically cased in gold. I don't mind the "superstition" (rituals are a necassary part of life, and even the most atheistic among you have at least 10 rituals), I just want it to be my values that are reflected in the ceremony. So, the big Irish king thing.

_________________
Rockula! wrote:
Whooda thought that you could get supress a guy's urge kick someones ass by waving pussy in his face?


Mon Apr 28, 2003 11:46 pm
Profile YIM
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 1097
Location: Minneapolis
Post 
I'm going to be cremated and then my ashes scattered in Niehart Pinehill Cemetery in Niehart, Montana (http://gothling.com/montana/gallery.php/16th/"). I'm going to have a tombstone that falls apart when you touch it and it's going to be a big ornate disgustingly gothy creation.

The best part is being cremated. I'll be on a funeral pyre and it'll be a weenie/marshmallow roast/kegger.


Mon Apr 28, 2003 11:56 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Sun Jan 05, 2003 7:00 pm
Posts: 1470
Location: The Gulag Subversia
Post 
"Here I sit all broken hearted
Tried to. . . "

. . . wrong one.

_________________
End of rant; I have said nothing!


Mon Apr 28, 2003 11:58 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2003 1:29 am
Posts: 1026
Location: i live in my own perty lil world
Post 
mamagoth wrote:
The best part is being cremated. I'll be on a funeral pyre and it'll be a weenie/marshmallow roast/kegger.


will we all be invited?

_________________
first, lets try it my way.
then, we can try it my way.


Tue Apr 29, 2003 12:23 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sat Jan 12, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 1097
Location: Minneapolis
Post 
Free beer for whomever wants to attend. But the weenies will all be vegetarian; I don't want any animal flesh mixed in with mine. *heh*


Tue Apr 29, 2003 1:15 am
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Tue Nov 19, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 2488
Post 
I'll be there!

*hides bacon in pocket*


Tue Apr 29, 2003 1:18 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 3128
Location: The center of the universe
Post 
Little Red Hen wrote:
Formaldehyde makes me want to retch, and I think embalming is gross. The whole reason behind the practice of burying people is to bring them back to the earth from whence they sprang, so spraying them full of chemicals and putting them into an impenetrable box seems quite counterproductive and, yes, a waste of space.


I had some warehouse-mates that were trying to kick heroin.
So what did they do?
Smoking whack!
For those of you who do not know what whack is (besides a crotch grabbing wigger slang) it is a cigarette or joint dipped in formaldehyde, dried and then smoked.
What will these nutty kids think of next!?!?

By the way, I learned how to drive in a cemetary, (less chance of running over someone and killing them) so there is at least one good use for the place.
They should bury people with their butts up out of the ground so visitors can have a place to park their bikes.

_________________
I may be an asshole, but I'm not a fucking asshole
R!


Tue Apr 29, 2003 1:30 am
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Mon Nov 25, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 1814
Location: S. Minneapolis
Post 
yes, it was a typo. I was tired and too lazy to fix it.


The compost bin idea sounds fun! People could come visit, if you're just laying around in the compost with bugs and a animal or two eating your flesh. That'd be some good soil someday. Could drag you out every halloween to scare the kiddies, I've started a compost if you ever want to come check it out for future reference.

_________________
Gangsta goth


Tue Apr 29, 2003 2:26 am
Profile YIM WWW
User avatar

Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2003 1:29 am
Posts: 1026
Location: i live in my own perty lil world
Post 
Redghost wrote:
I've started a compost


why, whos body are you hiding?

_________________
first, lets try it my way.
then, we can try it my way.


Wed Apr 30, 2003 12:25 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Wed Feb 19, 2003 1:29 am
Posts: 1026
Location: i live in my own perty lil world
Post 
Rockula! wrote:
By the way, I learned how to drive in a cemetary, (less chance of running over someone and killing them) so there is at least one good use for the place.
They should bury people with their butts up out of the ground so visitors can have a place to park their bikes.


technically theres greater chance of running over someone, theyre just already dead.

and the bikes in the butt crack painted such a lovely picture in my brain, thank you.

_________________
first, lets try it my way.
then, we can try it my way.


Wed Apr 30, 2003 12:27 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 06, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 5056
Post 
My Epitaph, by Christopher GodCoversHisEyes.

<i>Fuck 'im. He's dead.</i>


Sat May 03, 2003 10:27 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jul 02, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 807
Post 
I'm so goth I'm dead


Wed May 28, 2003 2:36 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 19, 2004 6:51 pm
Posts: 26
Post epitaph hmmmmmm
To borrow a little from robert frost I think my epitaph should say something along the lines of... " I had a lover's quarrell with the world... life fights dirty and if you're reading this, I lost!"


Sun Dec 25, 2005 8:11 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 23, 2003 12:50 pm
Posts: 1652
Location: Winona, MN
Post 
Haakon Olav Nelson
1980-2006
If you liked that one,
be sure to catch
the encore perfromance.
Also, I have a $1000
in my esophagus.
Come and get it.


Who knows how many people will dig before it's obvious that I've been cremated?


Sun Dec 25, 2005 9:28 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Mon Dec 13, 2004 7:47 pm
Posts: 701
Location: the rotted glory of minneapolis suburbia
Post 
My ultimate goal is to own a cemetery. "Duma's Garden", a resting place for the eccentric. I would like to draw the patronage of all the aging 80's goths/rockers that will be looking for a truly unique and personalized sort of grave/urn/plot.

Then, when I die, my bones will be bleached, preserved, and set in an arrangement on the arch above the main gate; facing in. And I'll be holding a bronze plaque with the words:

See You Soon.


Mon Dec 26, 2005 12:54 am
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2005 5:31 pm
Posts: 244
Location: in the deepest depths of insanity
Post 
I saw this somewhere:
"Atheist, all dressed up, and nowhere to go."

_________________
support mental health, or i'll kill you


Tue Dec 27, 2005 8:25 am
Profile YIM
User avatar

Joined: Fri Sep 30, 2005 7:27 am
Posts: 46
Location: Stevens, Minneapolis
Post 
"He spoiled his dog."

There are worse ways to be remembered.

_________________
I am the Cthulhu of mathematics.


Sat Jan 14, 2006 12:19 pm
Profile WWW
User avatar

Joined: Sun Oct 06, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 5056
Post 
Here lies GodCoversHisEyes,
and it's about friggin' time.


Sat Jan 14, 2006 4:52 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 23, 2003 12:50 pm
Posts: 1652
Location: Winona, MN
Post 
"Here lies Haakon,
and damned if
he's wearing pants."

"Here lies Haakon below you,
and he thinks your feet smell
terrible."

"Here lies Hawken, and
even in death, people
are misspelling his name."


Mon Jan 16, 2006 9:57 am
Profile WWW

Joined: Wed May 18, 2005 2:49 pm
Posts: 53
Location: Faribault
Post 
I either want mine to read: "And ye though I walk through the vally of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil. For I am the evilest son of a bitch there ever was."
Or: "Ah damn it all! Open up, I was just kidding."

_________________
"Victims... Aren't we all?..."


Tue Jan 24, 2006 4:44 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sun Dec 01, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 2380
Location: Ehr. well. Im not a local
Post 
I'm sorry, Nemphusi can't come out right now. Try back on the sixteenth.

_________________
Mind crunching rage.


Tue Jan 24, 2006 8:04 pm
Profile YIM WWW
User avatar

Joined: Sun Sep 22, 2002 7:00 pm
Posts: 3375
Location: ATBOG
Post 
I'm still here! Just a lil stiff is all. ;p


Fri Jan 27, 2006 4:43 pm
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Thu Mar 31, 2005 5:31 pm
Posts: 244
Location: in the deepest depths of insanity
Post 
I'm donating my body to science, hopefully having my skin peeled off and being placed in a museum of diseases and afflictions. But if that doesn't work out, than here are some ideas:
"If you're reading this, I'm dead."
"Loved by many, hated by more"
"There's a wrong way to eat a Resses(sp?)"

_________________
support mental health, or i'll kill you


Sun Jan 29, 2006 2:51 pm
Profile YIM
User avatar

Joined: Fri Apr 08, 2005 4:48 pm
Posts: 91
Location: Plymouth, MN
Post 
Although I would rather be burnt up...
If I get a tombstone - I want it to read:

Here lies Jon,
buried face down
so the whole world
can kiss his ass!

_________________
Bombsite Studios


Tue Jan 31, 2006 12:29 pm
Profile YIM WWW

Joined: Mon Nov 28, 2005 9:58 pm
Posts: 35
Post 
"See you soon."


Thu Mar 02, 2006 12:02 am
Profile
User avatar

Joined: Sat Oct 09, 2004 3:17 pm
Posts: 98
Post 
Epitaph: "I tried to warn ya! I really tried"

But yeah, cremation fer sure. Although composting sounds good as well.

Viking funerals are expensive these days, especially if you want a coupla comely Irish slave girls to accompany ya to Valhalla.....

Being eaten by wolves has always appealed to me.....


Thu May 18, 2006 1:04 am
Profile

Joined: Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:55 am
Posts: 15
Location: fetid depths of the fields.
Post add to my list, if you please!
err...I have a few epitaphs on the maybe list.
'BIODEGRADABLE'
'could you get those flowers away, my hay-fever's killing me'
'you're standing on my testicles'[not that I have any]
'slim, pale-skinned, non-smoker, GSOH, seeks tall, dark handomes, necrophiliac for life-long companionship'
'finally she met a deadline!'
the list goes on....

_________________
Conscious antithesis of flesh.


Fri Oct 27, 2006 5:35 am
Profile
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Reply to topic   [ 45 posts ] 

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group.
Designed by STSoftware for PTF.