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 A philosopher who fancies 3am walks and automatic rifles 
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Post A philosopher who fancies 3am walks and automatic rifles
**
Disclaimer: This is hugely long. I kept it that way on the offchance that there are other people out there who prefer reading into the details of real people’s lives than watching “Bachelorette” or reality TV. (Shutters).
**

Big hug to everyone! Those who respectfully decline my offer of embrace shall be – respected. Those who disrespectfully decline shall be met with several round spurts of nine millimeter hollow point.

Now that I’ve convinced you all that I’m a 9 year old, (and thus, if you flame me, you’re totally picking on someone smaller than you and everyone will agree you’re an asshole) I’ll get down to business.

These days I’m best described as Travis Bickle – that character in the film “Taxi Driver” who gradually snaps under the burden of all the social decay he sees. My favorite scene is when Travis shows up at a political candidate’s rally, and the candidate is hollering about how he’s all for the people, going to improve things, by improving things, so we can improve things… typical politician crap, and Travis stands there, mohawk and old marines jacket in the breeze, puts on a smile and claps

Clap
Clap
Clap

Pulls out a gun and tries to shoot the guy.
Good for him I say.
Enough lies.

Well I’m not quite that far gone, but among my favorite films are A Clockwork Orange, Fight Club, and Natural Born Killers (and the Samurai X series). I’m a 17 year old high school student and I swear I feel like a 28 year old Vietnam veteran.

That’s probably because I had the fortune (misfortune) of being born an idealist into a world of egotists and materialists. Since 7th grade I’ve been an extremely passionate writer and philosopher, trying to figure out what exactly is so totally /off/ about this place (western world), and perhaps, figure out some solutions. I have a philosophy and psychology with the foundations fairly well drawn out. The psychology is, if I’m lucky, the first romantic psychology to be available – which means therapists could be trained to help people who live as altruists and need a reason to live other than “ME-ME-ME!”

For a glimpse into my work:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/magellan5/

A brief rambled biography:
I started out in paradise living the life of an explorer, literally waking up walking outside and purposefully getting lost in the forest and then finding my way back home, living as a very happy romantic. I had a girl to keep me company a good 1/3rd of my waking hours and she was a real tom boy, no qualms about strapping on boots and running through the fields after the moon -- and then I turned 9 years and 10 months old and we moved

Her parents died -- less than a year apart

I moved to a freaking suburban dystopia, a little closer into Washington, DC, far from any forest, locked in by roads and unfriendly, confused, uncertain neighbors. Everything I loved was suddenly absent, and I realized just how much I loved all those things, and how totally amazed and shocked I was that my parents, my country, my friends, they were able to do nothing, knew nothing, about what in the hell was going on.

That's when I became a philosopher, determined to figure out exactly what was wrong with my country, then the western world, then the human race. It really turned into war in middle school when I asked myself "why do this math homework"
to get a good grade
why? to get into high school
why? college why? job why? money? WHY? NO REASON

I've been a soldier ever since developing my philosophy and psychology, more accurately honing down on the problems and the solutions, trying to stay alive, and very very much bitterly alone

I love truth and beauty too much, it’s either die trying or die from self contempt.

Oh, and did I mention that, despite getting a 96th percentile on the PSAT, I get solid Cs? Grahh.

Mid quarter report by my advisor:

It is generally acknowledged that <> has acute difficulty getting his work completed, and across the board, his teachers have been quite understanding of his illness and made special accommodation for accepting late assignments and make-up tests. He seems, at times, simply incapacitated by thought. I had a discussion with <> at the beginning of the year on the topic of time management, the gist of which was that he absolutely must make use of his free periods during the day to keep abreast of his work, especially in Latin. Yet he injudiciously uses much of his free time for discussions with fellow students and philosophical contemplation. As Mr. <> remarks below, “<> is not out of the woods yet,” and remains on the edge of unacceptable marks in most of his courses. He absolutely must focus his energy to get his work finished week by week rather than waiting until the end of the quarter to play catch-up.

Hah, time management -- another “solution” to the reality that modern educational methods are designed to turn you into a consumer, not an individual. Very, hard, times.
http://www.johntaylorgatto.com/

I’ve showed up at this board because I’m pretty confidant I’ll like the people here. I’m lucky enough to live next to the 6th largest cathedral in the world (www.cathedral.org) and adore gothic architecture, dark passion, the whole mix really. I can’t really be happy on a sunny day, much prefer rain. It’s a bad day when your friends are dieing and the sun shows up – a flagrant reminder of just how much the planets care about little old you. I'm an avid urban explorer, talk to me if you want tips / resources on opening a door without the key.

I’ve acted as a therapist to several people on the long term, using my amateur psychology to help them where modern therapy fails. Mostly I show people how the problems they are experiencing are part of a complex web of egotism > corporate interest > societal manipulation to make people backstabbing zombies. A lot of people find my theories pretty convincing, but obviously, not all. Few are still alive enough to care enough to be interested in the first place.

I’m one of those rare people who actually do have answers (which means I’m lonely as hell – how many philosophers do you know?). If you happen to buy into my philosophy (it’s not for everyone) then I could really start you on quite a path, if you want it or can handle it. It is hell, but it’s the only way I know how to live…

"Had Nat never been born on Benjamin Turner's place, had he never learned to read the Bible and other books, had he been whipped and beaten into mindless oblivion, then maybe he would not have despised his condition so. For it was as the Preacher said in the Scriptures, "Knowledge increseth sorrow.""
-The Fires of Jubilee (Stephen B. Oates)

Yeah, if you read all this, I’m quite impressed – I salute you.
(Salute)


Wed Jan 12, 2005 5:47 pm
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Post Re: A philosopher who fancies 3am walks and automatic rifles
SoldierOfIdealism wrote:
Big hug to everyone! Those who respectfully decline my offer of embrace shall be – respected. Those who disrespectfully decline shall be met with several round spurts of nine millimeter hollow point.

Now that I’ve convinced you all that I’m a 9 year old, (and thus, if you flame me, you’re totally picking on someone smaller than you and everyone will agree you’re an asshole) I’ll get down to business.
One don't make idle threats you couldn't possibly have that many bullets ;^) and two no one cares if you 9 or 39 if you say something dumb in our general direction your probably gonna get one or two people who let you know...

That being said Welcome to gothling... Hope you have fun...

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Wed Jan 12, 2005 6:31 pm
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You remind me of myself at your age. It's entertaining. Here's to hoping you don't end up a bitter, cranky drunk like old man GodCoversHisEyes.


Wed Jan 12, 2005 8:23 pm
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Welcome


Thu Jan 13, 2005 12:40 pm
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Do you have any cyber food?

Welcome to Gothling!


Thu Jan 13, 2005 3:18 pm
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Greetings


Thu Jan 13, 2005 6:03 pm
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GodCoversHisEyes wrote:
You remind me of myself at your age. It's entertaining. Here's to hoping you don't end up a bitter, cranky drunk like old man GodCoversHisEyes.


Here's to it. As you can see though, I'm halfway there. Thankfully in my youth instead of crankiness it comes out as trendy bitterness which can be nice somehow. Let's grab a seat on a sidewalk, grab a beer, and cuss out passers by sometime.

One good thing about living this way -- life's never boring.

Fuck. (What? Fork? I'm being censored)

The candles that burns twice as bright burns half as fast.

EDIT: I'll probably be grabbing some red wine -- because I'm just that much like Alexander DeLarge.


Thu Jan 13, 2005 8:10 pm
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guns are fun, oh yah hello


Fri Jan 14, 2005 8:09 am
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Hi. Don't be so happy dammmit.

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Fri Jan 14, 2005 8:38 pm
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Rachelle Appelle wrote:
Hi. Don't be so happy dammmit.


Care to elaborate? I'm working on it.


Fri Jan 14, 2005 9:28 pm
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SoldierOfIdealism wrote:
Rachelle Appelle wrote:
Hi. Don't be so happy dammmit.


Care to elaborate? I'm working on it.


It was just me saying hi. I am an idealst as well, but eventually you grow a little and you realize you have to make at least a little money to live especially if you ever want to have true relationships with people. No one likes a moocher. And I guess I would much rather make money doing what I love than what I hate so that is why I feel doing well in school and college is so important. It's hard for me being an idealist and going into the fashion industry since it is one of the most shallow businesses, but I just stay with my ideals and I put that into my design philosophy. And hopefully people are drawn to my work because I don't differ from my ideals.

All I'm saying is that you have to work with what you are given. The world is a fukked up place, but it's not all bad. You are never going to be happy if you get bogged down with all the fukked up shit that you can't really change anyway. I found that by volunteering my time at food shelters and homes for families escaping abuse, I became most happy in my life because I could really change the world directly around me and trying to change others' ideas and political opinions became less important to me.

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Sat Jan 15, 2005 12:07 am
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I don't want to be happy.
I want something more -- I want to be alive.

When I was at Oakton I learned what it was like to truly be alive, I had romanticist’s upbringing -- you can't unlearn what you've seen. Well, perhaps one can, but in this case, I cannot. Doing so would be such an act of self mutilation that I'd be better off dead. Love, it seems, is a very strong bond.

People today have become very good at ignoring the many contradictions and insanities that are integral parts of our lives. Somehow, at the end of the day, we convince ourselves that we are truly happy. Just look at any magazine, "happiness" = perpetual smiling. It's not about passion, sacrifice, meaning -- all those elements of real living, it's just drugs and superficiality. No thanks, I say. I wish more people had to guts to do the same thing, because if I was not so lonely, I'd probably be ok.

Anyway, keep doing your best, I'm glad to see what you're doing in fashion -- sticking to your ideals, and your volunteer work.

It comes down to this: How much do we need to lie to ourselves to stay alive? How much of our humanity do we need to leave behind to survive the educational system? I made it into the top private high school in DC but becoming a taxi driver or security guard looks awfully appealing. I'll probably never be able to publish anything if I go that route though. Quite a dilemma indeed.

If enough people realized what a shittstorm we're in -- worked together -- I'm doing my best and shouting as loudly as I can.

Best wishes to ya.


Sat Jan 15, 2005 4:33 pm
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Idealism and Realism.. . .

Anyone else find Realists strangely more cynical than they would like to admit?

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Sat Jan 15, 2005 4:53 pm
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I could've been an optimist instead of a pessimist.
But I prefer being <i>right</i> most of the time.


Sat Jan 15, 2005 6:17 pm
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''An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out?'' - Rene Descartes

Oh, and welcome.


Tue Jan 25, 2005 12:11 am
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I didn't actually read this, but let me guess ~ you're a long-winded Libertarian here to spread the Gospel of Libertarianism, right?


Tue Feb 15, 2005 10:54 am
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hey, anyone ridiculous enough to put the mid quarter report from his college advisor in his gothling intro post is probably worth paying some initial attention to.

welcome to gothling, dude. People here are into crap like truth and beauty and guns.


Wed Feb 16, 2005 3:15 am
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If you weren't 17, I'd be really turned on!



Welcome and that IS the best intro I've ever read :)

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Wed Feb 16, 2005 4:54 pm
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Man Ray wrote:
I didn't actually read this, but let me guess ~ you're a long-winded Libertarian here to spread the Gospel of Libertarianism, right?


Eh, I'm more Transcendentalist :] (worse, right?)

I think we need a revolution of our own -- I don't think my ideal political system fits all the criteria of Libertatianism, although if I had to affiliate with a party, that /might/ be it. But not really, because all of them are fakes, and the Libs' are not as stable methinks.


Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:24 pm
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Redghost wrote:
If you weren't 17, I'd be really turned on!



Welcome and that IS the best intro I've ever read :)


Clearly we have the same good taste.


Tue Mar 01, 2005 9:26 pm
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Little Red Hen wrote:
People here are into crap like truth and beauty and guns.


Dang LRH, that sounds like something outta Moulon Rouge.

That will be my new slogan: Truth, Beauty and Guns. . . and Absinthe!

and crap like that.


Mon Apr 25, 2005 8:21 pm
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hi!


Wed Apr 27, 2005 10:08 pm
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